The Survey Graveyard
In loving memory of surveys
that never should have existed.
Every bad survey was built with good intentions. Wrong timing, wrong questions, wrong page — the causes of death vary. The result is always the same: data you can't use, visitors you've annoyed, and a response rate you'd rather not mention.
They are gone, but they are not forgotten. Mostly because they're still running on someone's website.
#01
The 47-Question Onboarding Survey
Asked everything at once. Learned nothing at all.
† Confused effort with thoroughness
#02
The NPS Sent at Minute 3
"On a scale of 0-10, how likely are you to recommend a product you haven't used yet?"
† Arrived before the welcome email
#03
The Pop-Up After 0.5 Seconds
Visitors were still reading the headline.
† Closed by 99.4% of visitors
#04
The Feedback Survey on the 404 Page
"How was your experience today?" The experience was: the page didn't exist.
† Misread the room entirely
#05
The Annual Satisfaction Survey
Sent in March. About an experience from last October. To customers who had already left.
† Too little, too late, too cold
#06
The A/B Test on 200 Visitors
Results: inconclusive. As statistically guaranteed.
† Ran for 6 weeks. Decided nothing.
#07
The Open Text With No Character Limit
One response received. It was 847 words. Nobody read it.
† Good intentions, no boundaries
#08
The 7-Dropdown Question Form
Completion rate: 3%. The 3% were very bored and very patient.
† A form builder left unattended
#09
The Survey Buried in Account Settings
Seen by 6 people. Four were from the company. One was testing a bug.
† Nobody knew it was there
#10
The Leading Question
"Don't you agree our product has significantly improved your workflow?" Surprisingly, 91% agreed.
† Data shaped before it was collected
#11
The Exit Survey That Loaded After They'd Left
Technically, still loading.
† A timing issue. Among other things.
#12
The Survey Sent to Every User, Every Month
Response rate dropped from 40% to 2% in three months. Nobody asked why.
† Mistook frequency for insight